Losers
by i.heart.the.doctor
Summary: Drabble fic. Edward and his family are new to school, they're not quite normal... or sane, but then again, neither is Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So like, I got bored during some down time at work, I get bored a lot and I didn't have what I've got so far on the next chapter of what the hell soooo i just wrote what ever... I literally have no plan, I'm just writing what comes to mind lol. The first bunch of chapter were written today so at least I know what Edward is.**

**BPOV**

Do you ever wish you could make other people read your mind? Like when you see someone walk past wearing something ridiculous, don't you wish you could implant the thought in their head that they should not be mixing orange polka dots with lime green stripes or something like that. Or when someone is wearing way too much after shave you want them to know but to tell them would be impolite and may result in them hitting you round the head.

What about when you're listening to your I-pod and something cool comes on, do you wish someone could read your mind so they knew the awesome tunes you were jamming to? I often find my self contemplating weird shit like this in my lessons.

Right now I wanted to let Jessica Stanley know she looked like she was smuggling peanuts, she should of worn some warmer clothes so the whole class wouldn't be subjected to viewing her nipples, though I had a feeling she did this on purpose. Maybe if I could input my thoughts into her head I'd tell her how easy she looked. Not that being easy was a bad thing, in all honesty, I was easy myself, I was just subtle about it and really, it doesn't count if you don't get any action anyway. If someone came on to me, within reason of course, I'd likely jump their bones, but alas, people just didn't seem interested.

I think Jessica's nipples were getting ready to greet the new kids. They had to be alert, what if one of them were a cute guy. Maybe I should have made sure my own nipples were alert…

**A/N: let me know what you think! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So yeah, I literally decided what Edward and the rest of the Cullens were as I wrote this. I guess I'll learn this story at the same time as you guys :p **

EPOV

Oh my god, teenagers were boring, they all thought the same crap. _Does my bum look big in this? This is normal sized right? Why isn't mine as big as Mike's? It's normal to look at Mike like that right? _It was the same shit just with new names. Why we had to move to forks I had no idea. My dad said it was a quiet place where we couldn't get into more trouble and attract attention. Personally, I didn't think this was possible, we had Emmett with us after all, he WAS trouble.

How am I able to read thoughts you ask? Well, the answer is that I have no fucking clue. Some people can just do stuff I guess. Like that Matilda chick, she had telekinesis no one questioned why, they just thought about what a lovely story it made, same with that Carrie. Some people are just cooler than others I guess. Though my telekinetic sister, Rosalie, was more on the Carrie side of things than the Matilda. Maybe we were just more evolved than other people; maybe our parents had conceived us on a toxic wasteland? I guess we'll never know. All we did know was that Carlisle and Esme had adopted us as babies because they'd recognised something within us and brought us together so they could watch over us and make sure we stayed on the side of good. The amount of times Carlisle had quoted that line from Spiderman at us was crazy but we drew the line at Esme painting it on the wall in the kitchen.

We were kind of like superheroes, but like, we didn't save anyone; did that make us selfish?

**A/N: so I guess the Cullens are like lazy x men... **


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

Dear Mike Newton, your fly is undone; I can nearly see your pecker. At least that's the thoughts I was aiming his way at least. Oh god, he's wiggling, stay still Mike! For the love of all that is holy stay still! It totally looked like Eric had noticed the same thing as me, but from the way he was licking his lips I assume his reaction was different. Oh god, I can nearly see it, please sit still, please sit still, please sit still. Maybe if it thought super hard over and over again I would finally get through to him. And we have peen! Why couldn't he of sat still? And why can't I stop looking, it's like witnessing a car crash. MIKE LOOK AT YOUR FLY! I thought super hard at him, yeah, still didn't work. Though it seems Angela had a much more efficient approach, she leant over and whispered in his ear, Mike then turned red and put himself away and secured his pants.

"Okay class, we have some new students with us today. This is Edward Cullen and his sister Alice Cullen. Why don't you tell us a little something about yourselves?" Ha! I had to do this last year, seeing someone else go through this torture was kind of satisfying.

"Hi, I'm Alice and I like crack. I like it so much I have to sell myself to afford it. So if anyone is looking for a good time call me." She said completely straight faced. Mr Banner sat there in shock.

"I'm Edward Cullen and my sister thinks that she's funny." He stated bluntly before making his way to a desk, not caring whether the teacher would let him sit there, probably for the best, poor Mr Banner had yet to recover. Oh also, I think I might be in love.

**A/N: What you think so far? Have I totally lost it?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It makes me smile to see people are actually reading this rubbish! lol thank you!**

**EPOV**

First impressions can be very important, they create a view in your mind of someone's personality, of course first impressions can be wrong, but I don't think mine were. Mr Banner was clearly an ass.

I was already pissed at Alice after she hogged the bathroom this morning. Worst thing about a sister that can predict the future is that she totally abused her powers and made sure she was in the bathroom exactly when she knew I wanted to be there. Bitch thought she was funny. Then she had to go and introduce herself to the class like that, yeah, people are totally going to ignore us now. I was a fan of passing under the radar; I liked to be left alone, not letting people get too close to seeing what freaks we were. Plus, have you ever tried to get to know someone when you can read every thought that passes through their head? Yeah it's not really much fun. But for Alice a good offence is the best defence. She likes to scare people away from trying to be her friend. If they think she's a freak they'll leave her alone. She's going to just love this whole small town thing, I can feel it. The poor citizens of Forks don't know what is about to hit them.

**A/N: love you guys! just saying...**

**doc xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n: it has been brought to my attention i haven't been stating whose POV the chapters are... so I'm going to have to rectify that lol.**

**BPOV**

I think I'm in love with this Alice chick, her brother wasn't a chore to look at either. It seemed as though, finally, someone in this small ass town might actually have a sense of humour. I wanted her to sit with me so we could weave friendship bracelets and plan sleepovers. Holy shit sticks, the mere prospect of a friend seemed to have turned me into a stereotype.

They both came and sat on the desk behind me.

"So do you just whore yourself out to men or what?" I asked Alice.

"I don't discriminate." She winked at me.

"Does the gonorrhea come included in the price or will I have to pay extra?"

"For you? I'll throw it in for free."

"Sounds like a deal, is your brother for sale? I feel a little incest goes great with lunch."

"He might be if he removed that stick from his ass, but alas, we are only related by paper work, adopted sorry." Edward was watching our conversation with a scowl on his face.

"Bummer, I was so looking forward to speculation among our fellow classmates about the possibility of infants with webbed toes. Also, if he were to remove the stick from his ass I might just have to put it back in, a little kink never hurt anyone."

"Shame, maybe some of these people are cousins, you know what they say about small towns. And true, though what about the people that get off on killing and shit."

"I look forward to Jessica and Mike's duck baby. Killing and shit? I don't like to mix those fetishes, too much DNA."

"I'm Alice by the way and I think I might actually like you."

"I'm Bella and the feeling could possibly be mutual.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am off to a Twilight convention this weekend so no updates for a few days sorry!**

**epov**

Oh god, there's two of them now. That's exactly what the world needed, another Alice. Poor Jasper had another person to compete with now for Alice's attention. He'd been pining after her since she hit puberty and grew boobs. Personally I thought it was gross, Alice is basically our sister, but love is love and all that. Shame Alice hadn't noticed Jasper in the same way. Maybe Alice was into girls? Could this Bella be the love of her life? But then what about Alice's shrine to that dude from criminal minds who is apparently "adorkable". Maybe she bats for both teams? She doesn't have bad taste in girls though, that Bella isn't bad to look at. Weird, but hot.

I could see from Alice's thoughts that this was the start of a good friendship for them both, Alice was getting visions of them watching tv together; maybe Bella likes this Gube guy too. It was then that I realised I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts.

Well that was strange.

**doc x**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: hey I'm back home so here you go!**

BPOV

Mr Banner drew our attention back to the board, for a moment at least. I found myself desperate to turn to the table behind me and engage our new classmates in more riveting conversation. Banner was informing us about the delights of how a flower reproduces. It was sexy stuff. My mind began to wonder again. Jessica's nipples were still trying to say hi to everyone, though I assume Edward was the intended target. _Banner, look at Jessica's nipples, you know you want to you dirty old perv_. A few seconds later he looked. _Ha! I knew it!_ _Oh my god, he's getting a boner! You dirty dirty man Mr Banner, poor innocent Jessica is barely legal._

_**Innocent my ass. **_That's not my voice inside my head. Erm what the fuck?

**A/N: things are starting to get more interesting...**

**punkfarie! i love you! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: so yeah, things get a bit weirder now, also figuring out how to actually write this is hard... ;ole do i do italics? bold? what? lmao**

**epov**

_**Banner, look at Jessica's nipples, you know you want to you dirty old perv**_**.** This lesson was so boring, I was actually making an effort to listen to thoughts I was that desperate for something to do. Funnily enough Banner actually did look. _**Ha! I knew it! **__**Oh my god, he's getting a boner! You dirty dirty man Mr Banner, poor innocent Jessica is barely legal.**_ I snorted, innocent my ass. It was obvious from how she was dressed that she was no innocent, that and the nipples. Not that there was anything wrong with being sexually active, I was not slut shaming here, just pointing out that Jessica wasn't innocent.

The same person whose thoughts that had amused me before hand entered my head again, _**That's not my voice inside my head. Erm what the fuck? **_Someone else is hearing thoughts? I could see Bella in front of me frantically looking around, come to think of it, it did sound like her voice. _**The fuck is this? Get the fuck out of my head! **_Poor girl, I think she's loosing it, that's what talking to Alice does to you, it's like the crazy is contagious, it already spread to Emmett. _**Who the fuck is Emmett? And who the fuck is in my head? **_Wait, what?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/n: let me know if the way im setting this out is confusing! Thanks for reading this, i seriously love you guys!**

bpov

Oh my god, I've lost it, I have officially gone crazy, I'm soo not looking forward to the I told you so dance from my dad. **Poor girl, I think she's loosing it, that's what talking to Alice does to you, it's like the crazy is contagious, it already spread to Emmett. **Who the fuck is Emmett? And who the fuck is in my head? **Wait, what? **I looked behind me at Edward, he was staring back at me looking equally confused. Edward? **Bella? **Erm what the ever loving fuck is happening? **I have no fucking clue, I couldn't hear your thoughts a minute ago, but now you're hearing mine, that's not normal. You aren't meant to hear my thoughts. **Okay none of what you just thought made any sense, what do you mean you couldn't read my thoughts a few minutes ago? You act like hearing thoughts it totally normal, but it's fucking not! What the fuck is going on. I was seriously starting to freak out. **Yeah, I can usually hear thoughts, but your mind was quiet, even now I'm only getting what seems aimed at me, I can't see all your thoughts. **I couldn't handle this, I had a crazy person inside my crazy head, I felt nauseous.

"Mr Banner, may I be excused?" I asked.

"Erm yeah, sure." I ran from the classroom straight to the bathroom where I was able to see what I'd had for breakfast that morning, oatmeal doesn't taste nice on the way back either by the way.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: thanks so much to the people reading and review this! I love you so much! and thanks for putting up with my crazy ;) **

Epov

I sometimes forgot that something like mind reading wasn't normal, I was surrounded by extra-ordinary people all day, so Bella's freak out seemed odd to me. Was Bella like me and my family? But I was definitely hearing her thoughts, she heard mine too, that was something that had never happened before. I suddenly understood why my family felt uncomfortable around me sometimes, it's a bit of an invasion of privacy. Maybe it was me? Maybe my powers developed more. I thought hard at Alice, picturing Emmett wearing one of Esme's dresses, she didn't react so I can only guess it didn't work.

Bella? It was worth a try. **Get out of my head! **Calm down Bella, has this ever happened before? **Of course it fucking hasn't happened before, has this happened to you? This is your fucking fault! **Hey, we don't know that, this hasn't happened to me either! But maybe we can help, would you be okay coming to our house after school? **What so you can run tests on me like I'm some sort of lab rat? I don't think so. **We might be able to help! **Just leave me alone! I was fine till you came into my head! Get out! **I did what she said, I stopped thinking about her and only hoped that worked at getting me out of her head, it also stopped me from hearing her thoughts again which left me a little uncomfortable. I wanted to know what she was thinking, if this had happened before. I needed her to know we were the good guys and we could help her. Maybe I needed Alice to talk to her, she has a friendlier face anyway.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: sorry about the lack of updates, 2 weekends a month i am not allowed to sleep in my own bedroom and i wasn't at work over the weekends, well i was, but it's a different job that is no where near a computer... so didn't get the privacy or down time to even write the teeny amounts. But yeah hopefully i'll be back on track now!**

Bpov

I sat there hugging the toilet seat hoping Edward would leave me alone. My head had been empty since I'd basically told him to fuck off. Well, not totally empty, obviously there was something going on up there, I think….

I had no idea what had happened to me, I know I'd kept joking about projecting thoughts onto people, but I never thought it would actually happen; and then let them into my head. It just wasn't normal and right now, I really fucking wanted to be normal.

Why the heck did he want me to go to his family's house anyway? What on earth could they do for me, as long as Edward kept out of my head I would be okay. I had to be okay, I didn't want to end up in a squishy room wearing a jacket that made me hug myself.

**Love yas!**

**doc**

**xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: so here is another update, see back to daily while my soul is being sucked away! lmao**

Epov

"Alice, do you know what's going on with that Bella?"

"Oh she's cool right? I might actually make a friend at this place."

"No, have you seen anything?"

"No," she replied slowly, I saw her think it over, "actually I can't see anything to do with her."

"That's so weird."

"Yeah, I wonder what's up with that, why do you ask anyway?

"No reason." I figured I'd tell them if anything more happened. I knew if I said anything the family would be on her like 16 year old girls on Bieber's dick; just a hunch, but I didn't think Bella would be okay with that.

I couldn't go into her thoughts again because she might cut me or something but I needed to keep an eye on her, if more happened we needed to either be there for her or like, stop her, you never know, she could be the super villain our family of lazy super heroes had been waiting for.

**A/N: dear melissamary55 and MariaLorenzen you are amazing :) love you! xx (and punkfarie of course but that goes without saying)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: sup?**

Bpov

What if the Cullens were like crazy mad scientists and I'm an experiment, what if they'd been slowly drugging me for a while and came out of hiding and began to integrate themselves in with Forks so they could observe me and slowly monitor what the changes I go through before they kidnap me and take me back to their lab, it would explain why Edward wanted me to meet the family, I was a success story, of course they wanted to poke and probe me! Well not today buddy! Nobody probes Bella Swan! Unless you are Matthew Gray Gubler, man I'd let him probe me…

Maybe they had created me in a test tube and implanted me into my mother 17 years ago, come to think of it, was mom a robot? She never aged and she always seemed really odd, like her wiring wasn't quite right. Was I a government experiment? Am I some new type of solider they are developing? Well I had news for them, I was so not a soldier, they really need to look at coordination when creating super babies because not falling over is important in combat right? Besides, I'm a lover, not a fighter… and camo is just tacky.

**A/N: hope you liked it!**

xx


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: thanks for still reading lol! *Smooches***

**Dude, i always forget to do a disclaimer! These aren't my character, they are semyer's, they will always be smeyers, there are the characters in my head when i write this, even if i changed their names, they are still smeyers because that's what they started as! and i just backspaced the rest of that and i shall be quiet and get off of my soap box...*awkward giggle***

Epov

Bella had been avoiding us for the rest of the week, granted that had only been a few days, but that wasn't the point. Needless to say Alice was losses with me, I'd ruined her chance at a new friend, she didn't even know how, she just knew to blame me. I was now banned from even looking at people Alice deemed interesting in case my face put them off. My sister is lovely isn't she?

Any way back to Bella, she was totally avoiding me, I even tried to give her my friendliest of smiles in am attempt to get her to warm up to me. I think I looked constipated though because she just gave me an odd look in return.

**A/N: yeah, sorry about the first a/n, i have too many opinions and sometimes i have to let them out or i explode...**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: sup? so yeah, nearly didn't update cause was being lame, but it stopped being lame, so updated! hope you like it!**

Bpov

I think Edward is constipated, he keep walking past with that look on his face that makes me think he's really clogged up. I know I'm avoiding him but would it be weird to slip something high in fibre into his locker? Even though I think he might be a super villain set on hiding me away in his lair (again, if he were the Gube this would be a whole other story) I kind of feel sorry for him, no one likes being so constipated. You're meant to have one bowl movement a day right? Cause his seemed to be lasting a few days.

I was walking to the cafeteria for some lunch when he walked past. For a super villain he didn't look very cool. He should dress like a steam punk or something, he needs goggles. But yeah, he wondered past still looking very constipated. I figured I'd throw him a bone so I simply thought at him that he should probably have a baked potato for lunch and maybe to make sure he ate the skin, that was were the most fibre was afterall.

**A/N: yeah, i guess i lowered the tone in this fic in a way fic really isn't used to, i don't see much toilet talk, but what the hey! I said i all along with this i just wrote what came out... and this came out, or didn't in Edward's case...**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Yo! here you go :)**

Epov

Bella was back in my head... and she was telling me to eat a baked potato? What the fuck? She thought I needed fibre? That girl is so weird. _Shut up, don't be ashamed, just make sure to eat a balanced diet and you should be okay. Now leave me alone. _She was gone as fast as she had arrived. I shot her a confused look and she just nodded towards the potatoes before grabbing her lunch and finding a seat. Screw her, she can't tell me what to eat, especially when she's pretending I don't exist, I just want to help her after all. It was with this in mind that I picked up a slice of pizza. You have to love the greasy goodness of pizza, it was so much nicer than a baked potato that was still hard in the middle.

_I would of gone with the potato if I were you. _Alice thought as I sat down. I gave her a curious look. _I foresee lots of time spent getting frustrated in the bathroom. _Why were people suddenly so interested in my bowel movements? Then it clicked, I really should stop smiling apparently.

**A/N: okay so i think that's it with the toilet humour... for now at least.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: sorry about the no updates for 2 days thing but well, i just really wanted to do nthing sunday... like nothing at all, then tomorrow i just never got around to it... but I'm back! (and if you know me, slacking for 2 days is NOTHING compared to how it could be lol)**

Bpov

Edward wasn't in the next day. However it seems you can't escape the Cullens, Alice had taken over trying to stalk me. I was okay with this development. She was a lot less annoying than her brother, she had better hair too, not that hair mattered for stalking, hers was simply better.

"Why are you following me today instead of Edward?"

"Why was Edward following you?" Hadn't he told her?

"I... don't... know." I replied slowly, I was a shitty liar in case you hadn't noticed. She looked at me oddly, as though she totally saw through me; but either way, she ignored it and carried on.

"Whatever my brother did to put you off talking to me I am here to overrule. This town is already boring me to tears and I'm desperate for entertainment and to do that you need to get over whatever the fuck Edward did and hang out with me. We can go put bread on people's cars so they get covered in bird shit or put plastic wrap over the toilet seats at home."

"Oh man, those are some of my favourite things to do." I whined. Alice drove a hard bargin.

"Come on, come to my house and I'll let you help me cover Edward's door with news paper so he can't leave his room."

"Is he in there often?"

"Yes so it'll be easy... sort of."

"Can we hide some prawns under his bed at some point?"

"Yes! Maybe an onion too for good measure!" She decided excitedly.

If I couldn't escape Edward, I could at least annoy the fuck out of him instead. Plus Alice didn't seem to have a clue what happened between me and her brother so maybe it wasn't a family of super villains, just the one. Maybe I should warn her about what I suspect. Or maybe I'll just scope the place out when I go and help her torment him.

**A/N: I hope you're still with me! lol**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: so yeah, i thought i was done with toilet related stuff, but i guess i was wrong lol. See this is what happens when you refuse to have a plan... shit happens! (pun totally intended) **

Epov

I felt like shit. Alice took it upon her self to save me from a week of discomfort apparently, to do this she spiked my drink with a laxative before school. So instead of keeping an eye on Bella, I felt like my insides were falling out of me. I think she gave me more than the recommended dose. There is no way this was natural. I think she did it on purpose. My bowels were fine, honest. No idea what she had to gain from this though, other than my misery of course.

Alice was sooooo getting it when I felt better, I was sure Emmett would love to help.

I heard a gurgling noise come from my stomach. Oh fuck, here we go again.

**A/N: totally setting myself up for a large fall here lmao, looks like we could have a prank war... but i don't know any good pranks! What's the best prank you've ever heard of happening? What's the best prank you've ever pulled?**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I made you wait again, I'm sorry :( forgive me?**

Bpov

"Okay so Bella, you want to come round after school?" Alice asked, it was a little tempting, but the idea made me nervous, what if Edward came into my head again, oh wow, that didn't sound right. I wanted an extra night to gather my wits about myself.

"How about tomorrow? I like to make sure I have at least one night a week where I do absolutely nothing and well, I've been stuck doing crap so far, I just want to veg in front of the tv tonight,"

"That's cool, do you want to swap numbers or something? We can plan something for tomorrow." a sneaky grin spread across her face. She was really dying to get pranking her brother, she was totally my kind of gal.

"Sure," I replied as I handed her my phone to type her number in, she did the same to me. "So what is the deal with your brother, he seems a little... off."

"He is a little off that's why. He has a stick up his ass or something, sometime he lets loose and is loads of fun, but he's always trying to hold himself back for some reason. He doesn't like talking to people, it's like no one is worthy of him. He's kind of a dick."

"He spoke to me." I replied carefully, "well he did, till I told him to fuck off, now he just stares at me."

"Really?" he asked, looking genuinely confused. "that's really not like him, he never makes an effort, or acknowledges the existence of others." she got a far away look in her eyes. "So weird." she mused quietly.

**A/N: let me know what you think! *smooches***


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: sup guys? how are you today?**

Epov

Alice was acting strange, she kept looking at me like she was analysing me, then she'd smirk like she knew something I didn't. I didn't like it.

"So Edward, what do you think of that Bella chick, she's pretty cool right?" she asked. I tried to see what she was thinking, but she was just mentally undressing herself. I shuddered and tried to focus else where. I'd known Alice since we were really young, we'd been raised together, she was basically my sister, I did not need to see her boobies.

"Whose Bella?" I asked playing dumb.

"Girl in school, you know, long brown hair, brown eyes, boobs, great ass." That was a pretty accurate description.

"No idea ho you mean."

"Sure you do, she was sat in front of us that one lesson, wearing the blue shirt."

"Nope sorry."

"Okay, whatever," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Well she's coming round after school tomorrow, so make yourself scarce, don't want you scaring her off."

"Wait, Bella is coming here?"

"Oh so you do know who she is?"

"Shut up."

**A/N: hope you liked it! see you tomorrow!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: So, i won't be updating for a few days,im heading to London straight from work tomorrow for the hunger games prem Wednesday :) So yeah, no updates... sorry! (but not really cause i'll be having too much fun)**

Bpov

I was actually getting pretty scared about going to the Cullen's house. I still didn't know what had happened between me and Edward those few days ago. Nothing like it had happened since, well except the whole baked potato thing. But no one else had been in my head, so clearly it was something to do with Edward. But what?

I'd stopped pretending I could tell people thoughts, I was too scared it would work. Heck, I was too scared to try anything. Gone were my days of staring at items around my room and willing them to move. I have no idea what I would do if something actually moved, and I didn't want to find out either. I knew I would probably best actually talking to Edward, he had to know something, but that didn't mean I had the guts to. There are different types of confidence. Talking to people, making jokes, being silly, that's one thing. But really talking to someone and showing your vulnerability is a whole other story. Mocking Edward I could do, asking him for advice? Never.

**A/N: okay so not as silly as usual, but meh... hope you liked it! **


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: You guys! The Hunger Games was amazing, the acting blew me away, you have to go and see it! And now you get to meet Jasper!**

Epov

"Did you see what Alice was wearing today?" Jasper asked. He had this creepy stalker type crush on her, but she seemed oddly oblivious. She was always friendly too him and seemed to like talking to him, but she was one to keep her heart to herself. She didn't often let herself get too close to people, none of us did really.

"Not really,"

"She looked so hot," He was staring into space. Jasper's power was a little creepy, well, it could be if he used it in that way… and this morning he had certainly used it that way.

"Dude, stop thinking about that." He had the decency to look sorry before moving his thoughts elsewhere. Jasper had what we simply called x-ray vision. It could be used for many things, but mostly he used it to look at what was under Alice's clothes. I didn't know whether she was onto him or not, but she did seem to spend a lot of money on underwear; she would always panic about how much she'd spent when the credit card bill came.

"Alice made a friend in school today."

"I know."

"She was hot too."

"I know." I didn't make him stop thinking about Bella in her underwear though. My step brother was a perv.

**A/N: Hope you liked it! And just want to say... i love you guys so much!**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Sup home dawgs? **

Bpov

I was re-thinking my Cullens are super villain theory. Alice was driving me out to their house for dinner and prank pulling, but we'd been driving a while and the rest of civilisation died out about about 15 minutes ago. I was convinced I was being driven to a lair.

"Don't look so nervous. You'll be fine."

"I don't like probes." I replied.

"That's good to know, no probing. Puts a downer on the after dinner plans but I'll think of something else."

"Whose going to be at your house?" I asked, so far I had only met her and Edward, but I'd heard there was more of them.

"Me, obviously, Esme, our mom, Emmett, my older brother, Rosalie, my sister, Jasper, my other brother, but not really, he is a little odd that one... and you know Edward. Carlisle wanted to come but he's stuck at work."

"In what way is Jasper odd?" I asked a little worried, I'd thought Edward was odd, but he wasn't the one actually described as odd.

"He just is, he's a total sweetie, but he always acts weird around me. It's weird because I see Emmett and Edward as bothers, they both act like brothers, annoying ones at that, but Jasper acts more like a friend... I think he might be gay."

"Oh, okay then. Who are we pranking today?"

"I thought we could start with Emmett, like work our way up. You wearing a bra today?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's not the most exciting of pranks, but it might be fun to see, I'm going to hide your bra in Emmett's draw and wait for Rosalie to find it."

"Wouldn't that be a little over the top, making her think he's cheating?"

"Oh Bella, Rose would never think that, she'd think he was wearing it himself."

"Okay then, sounds like a plan." I grinned before doing that magical manoeuvre only females could do where they removed their bra without lifting their shirt. It was a good thing the car was warm or I'd of been doing a great impression of Jessica.

**A/N: there you go peeps, hope that update was to your liking! Let me know what you thought! Love you guys loads! Thanks for still reading and what not, you guys are awesome! **


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: sorry about the lack of update, got a new placement for my apprenticeship so i've been a busy bee and tired and stuff, hope you can forgive me! (and well, ff. net was kind of fail)**

Epov

Jasper was staring at Bella, a quick peek into his thoughts made it clear why; she wasn't wearing a bra. Jasper totally abused his power, but if you can't beat them, join them. I could abuse the fuck out of my own power for a few minutes, not like anyone would know, plus, Bella had some nice tits. Strange girl, but yeah, nice boobs.

"Hey Alice, Bella." I offered as they made their way past us towards the stairs, no doubt heading for Alice's room.

"Hey dickwad." Alice greeted.

"Hi," Bella replied simply, obviously trying not to give me too much attention.

"Hey Jasper, this is Bella." Alice greeted Jasper before introducing them. Jasper didn't get up to greet them or anything, no need to guess why.

"Hi Bella," he replied shyly, his eyes not really leaving her chest except for the occasional wonder to Alice's. I hated when he looked at Alice's boobs, it was gross; but I didn't want to completely leave his head. I didn't care if it made me a perv, but I wanted to keep looking at Bella's boobs.

"So Bella, how was your day?" I asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"It was okay," she responded shortly.

"Quit boring Bella to tears," Alice whined. "come on perky tits, my room is up here." This house really seemed to be obsessed with Bella's boobs, I also began to wonder what was really going on between Alice and Bella, maybe there was another reason Alice never returned Jasper's feelings... or maybe Bella's boobs were just _that _awesome.

**A/N: There you go, hope you liked it! Thanks so much for reading this! Off to see the Hunger games again tomorrow, anyone jealous? I love that i get to see it twice before it even reaches it's actual release date!**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Yo! Sorry I haven't been as regular! I went away to a good friends for the weekend so wasn't able to write then, and now I'm working in a proper kitchen it doesn't leave me much time, hoping to adjust to that soon so I'm not too tired to write when i get home lol.**

Bpov

Did people not realise my eyes weren't that low? Even Alice was getting in oh the whole lets pay attention to Bella's breasts and give her a complex thing. Seriously though, why the fuck was every one staring? I should never of taken my bra off, this was Alices fault, that bitch. Usually I'd be eating up all the attention, my boobs were kind of awesome, not huge or any thing, but nice and perky. But the way Edward and jasper were staring was so intense, it was like they could see everything.

"Ignore them Bella, they have no sense if decorum and basically, they're total pervs."

"Do they do it to you?" I asked.

"Jasper does."

"But isn't that a little creepy? He's your brother."

"Not really. Its never bothered me, I quite like the attention. Makes me feel pretty."

"Wow, shallow much?" I joked.

"Shut up" she giggled giving me a light shove.

**A/N: If you're still reading then thank you loads!**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: sorry i'm not so regular anymore guys :( I'm on work placement in a kitchen so it is very time consuming and tiring. Hoping i get used to it soon lol. Doesn't help that right now we have the brat staying over for the week so i'm stuck sleeping on my sister's bedroom floor and she'd yell at me if i typed (apparently I'm noisey) But anyway! Enough with the excuses!**

EPOV

"What do you think they're doing up there?" Jasper asked, all sorts of x rated thoughts flashed though his mind.

"I don't know. I can't get anything from Bella and Alice is just thinking about some underwear she wants to buy." I shuddered.

"Nice, what type?" He asked. He was getting all excited, he was like a little puppy or something.

"I refuse to listen to those thoughts."

"You suck." He pouted.

"And you're perverted." I responded.

"I didn't hear you complaining 5 minutes ago when I was looking at Bella boobs."

"That's different, Bella isn't my sister."

"Neither is Alice."

"She is, you're just a creep."

"She's not, we share no DNA... yet." He began picturing Alice doing all sorts of gross shit to him.

"Well she's a sister to me, and you're my brother so I find your thoughts fucking gross."

"Does Bella usually go braless?" He asked.

"We're still pretty new here so I don't know for sure, but it sure looked like she's been wearing a bra while at school."

"You don't think her and Alice..."

"I doubt it..." or at least I hoped not. I had no issue with girl on girl stuff, heck it was a beautiful thing to behold usually, plus all that love is love stuff... but it kind of puts a damper on fantasies when half of the pairing is your sister.

"Oh my god, that is so good." I heard a moan come from the kitchen. Jasper suddenly sat staring wide eyed at the kitchen door.

**A/N: anyone still with me? Hope you liked it!**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Sup ma peeps? you cool?**

**bpov**

"Oh my god, that is so good," I moaned, "best ice cream ever."

"Why thank you, I do consider sundaes to be one of my best talents."

"Seriously, so fucking good."

"Yeah now pass it here, we're sharing remember."

"Sorry Alice, what was that? I can't hear you over this foodgasm I'm having." I joked as I continued to spoon the yummy goodness into my mouth. Alice snatched the bowl off me and stuck her tongue out.

"Bitch!" I accused. She just turned get back to me and continued eating.

"Screw you. I'm going to harass your family." I announced before storming off towards the living room.

Okay so maybe I hadn't thought my hissy fit through exactly. Id forgotten her family meant Edward. But I'd just have to put on my big girl panties. Plus jasper was kind if cute in a pervy way, the pervy thing just meant he was easier right? I like easy...

**A/N: in a bizzle. **


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Here you go peoples! Glad you're still here! **

EPOV

"Best ice cream ever."

Oh. They're eating ice cream. It was amusing to watch the realisation dawn on Jasper's face that nothing sordid was taking place. It was like someone gave him a puppy, kicked it and then stole it. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know what he'd be thinking of later though. Infact it made me wish I WASN'T a mind reader. I often found myself wishing that in this house.

I heard a small kurfuffle happen in the kitchen over the ice cream. Kurfuffle was an awesome word. Bella slumped out of the kitchen and joined me and Jasper on the couch. Her arms were folded over her chest. Jasper didn't like that.

"Your sister is an ice cream hog."

"She's not my sister." was Jasper's automatic response, to which I simply rolled my eyes.

"Okay." Bella replied hesitantly.

"She isn't though." he clarified... for no reason.

"No, I get you, not brother and sister. Fine."

"Sorry about Jasper, he's a weirdo." I told her. Maybe humour would be the way to break her. I really wanted to know more about her, why I couldn't read her mind all the time? Why could we communicate telepathically? What was so special about Bella Swan? I needed to know her.

"He seems harmless to me." she replied.

"That's me, totally harmless." Jasper grinned at her. She smiled in response.

"So you're Jasper then? It's nice to meet you."

"That would be me. I'm sure you've heard loads about me."

"Actually, I've heard next to nothing." Bella replied.

"Oh, right... well okay... that's cool. That means you can form you're own opinion then I guess." Poor Jasper.

"That I can." She replied. _He's cute. _Oh hell no. She can't think he's cute. He's Jasper, he's weird.

"So Bella, you and Alice seem to be getting pretty close." I decided to move conversation away from between the two of them.

"Yeah, she's cool." she was still being cold with me then I guess judging from her tone.

"How are you finding our house?"

"It's cool." again, her tone was distant with a hint of bored.

"I could show you around if you want." Jasper offered. Bastard.

"Oh! That sounds cool!" she agreed before they wondered out of the room.

One thing was clear. Bella Swan had awful taste in men... that and Jasper is a douche.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Love yous all! xxx**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Omg guys, I am so sorry! I don't know how I let this one go so long updateless! The rest require a lot more effort, but yeah, all I can say is sorry! I'm doing an apprenticeship now in a kitchen so I won't lie, I might not get back to being as regular as I was because hours are all over the place and tbh, I'm tired lol. But I hope to update more again! **

BPOV

Okay so Jasper is weird _and _boring. He went into way more detail than was needed for a tour of the house. I also think he's in love with his sister. Is there a law against that? He's all Alice did this, Alice does that.. oh Alice loves to touch just here when she starts walking down the stairs. Okay maybe he didn't go into _that _much detail, but that's how it felt. Is Emmett as weird as the rest of the men in this family.

My eyes couldn't help but scan every bookshelf for an out of place book. I still hadn't given up on them having a lair. Plus they have way too many book shelves. I was pretty sure half the books were fake. Like this one book Fifty something or other, never could that be a real book, I think their mom just put like, blank bits of paper in fake covers on the shelves so they looked cultured or something. Or maybe it was the dad, the mom doesn't have to be the decorator after all, this is the 21st centry.

"Where's your evil lair?" I asked Jasper.

"Do you mean my bedroom?" he asked looking confused.

"Is it evil?"

"Not really, Rose's might be, but she'd kill me if I let you near there."

"So your family doesn't have an evil lair?"

"Did Alice tell you?" he looked disappointed at something. I thought I'd play along, maybe I could get answers.

"Yeah, no big deal right?"

"I'm sorry about the boobs thing, but like it's so tempted to look when they're just there. They look great by the way."

"Yeah, thanks, I do pride my self on them." What the hell?

"I mean, I do see a lot, x ray vision let me see maybe more than I'd like to, Mrs Cope at school for example, not boobs I'd like to see, but I have, often."

Well shit. They have to be super villains, pervy, weird, lame super villains, and they wanted to kid nap me.

"Just so you know, my dad put a tracker chip in my phone." I blurted out.

**A/N: If you're still with me... I love you!**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: wow, i love you guys! thanks for sticking with me... and i'm totally going to name names because i want to! Melissamary, Anber, acw1, Mireads and cbmorefie... seriously love you guys.. and sorry if you didn't want people to know you read my rubbish because i totally just outed you!**

EPOV

Bella and Jasper had been gone a while. Had it been long enough for him to make a move? Not that he had any moves to make, that guy had no game.

It sounds like I'm jealous or something, but I'm totally not. Bella seems like a bitch, a sexy bitch, but still. Bitch isn't my type. I'm just concerned she might be a man eater and she might swallow Jasper whole and spit him right back out again. No wait, that's an awful analogy, most guys would love that, I know I wouldn't say no.

Damnit, now I was thinking about getting my dick sucked. Not by Bella obviously... nope. I wondered if there was time for a quick cold shower before Bella and Jasper got back from their disease riddled sex**.**

**A/N: I'm thinking i should just write a bunch of chapters in batches to try keep a steady flow up updates... so that is what i will do! *fingers crossed it works lol***


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: another update! hope you like it!**

BPOV

"That's good, must be nice to know you're safe like that." Jasper replied slowly, looking pretty damn confused.

"Yep, he also owns guns, lots of them."

"Great." he kept looking at me funny. "So I think that's the whole house, you want to go watch some TV?"

"Sure." I replied. TV was safe right? Though... the TV didn't seem too safe in that Pleasantville movie, I don't want to be sucked into a TV. What if they have some mind control thing in it? What if Jasper makes me watch something about killing people that will make me go out and kill people? Oh my god, I'm going to jail. I'm going to kill poor Mr Banner, poor guy is going to die with a boner because he'll see my nipples because Alice made me take my bra off. OH MY GOD! _That's _why she made me take it off! There is no prank! I feel used.

"Errm, I'm just going to pop to the bathroom, I'll be right in down." I blurted out before running to hide in the nearest room.

**A/N: i'm going to rec a book! I'm reading Let's pretend this never happened by Jenny lawson and so far it's freaking awesome :) That woman is so fucking funny. **


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: here's some more crazy from me... hope you enjoy! **

EPOV

I had just got my shirt off when Bella ran into my room slamming the door shut behind her. I don't think Jasper would of told her during the tour that my door was broken. Unless he did and she knew she'd be stuck in here with me. That whore. (not that I would say no)

"I don't want to kill Banner with my nipples." she blurted out.

"Well, that's great." I replied slowly. I tried to look into her mind but all I saw was me shirtless. So she likes the view...

"Yes it's a very nice view, but I won't kill anybody."

"Very good to know." Did she fall and hit her head or something?

"No I did not. I was looking for your secret lair and I found out about Jasper's vision. Is your whole family weird? Are you super villains?"

"Secret lair? Is that like some hip word you small town folk use for bedroom or something? Because it's lame, bedrooms aren't secret."

"Are you a super villain?" she re-asked, I guess that was the question she wanted answers to the most.

"No, I'm not a super villain. If I was then reading minds would be pretty shitty. How could I take over the world by hearing thoughts?"

"Secrets Edward, secrets are a very powerful thing, Finnick Odair says so."

"Who?"

"Someone cooler than you." she replied huffily. Was huffily a word? Also, why was she picturing me wearing a fishing net holding a trident? Seriously, why isn't this girl in a institution or something yet?

"I guess, but no, we don't use our powers for anything remotely cool, unless looking at boobs counts."

"Boobs can be cool." she reluctantly replied, even though I hadn't really asked for a reply, her tone just seemed kind of reluctant if that made sense.

"But yeah, no using our powers for good or bad here."

"I guess that's cool," she seemed to be calming down a bit now, "does everyone have powers then? Are you like some mutant family? Aliens?"

"No, we don't know what we are except human. Besides, you are one of us too, are you an alien?"

**A/N: love you guys! should be back again tomorrow!**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: hope you like it! and don't hate me for using texting... some people like it some don't but meh, i thought it fitted in with the story...**

BPOV

"I don't think I'm an alien. I mean I could be but no one ever told me. Do you think my parents would tell me if I asked them? Just a sec.." I turned around and pulled my phone out.

**Mom... am I an Alien? X**

**M- Not that I rmembr, dont no, was kind drunk at the time.**

**Would dad know?**

**M- I hope so, he shud of been there the time, if not I guess thats your answer. **

"Are you seriously asking your parents?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Because it's crazy..." he replied.

"You clearly don't know me very well then."

"Obviously."

**Dad, mom told me to ask you, am I an alien?**

**D- Bella, stop texting stupid questions.**

**I knew you wouldn't give me a proper answer, it's like the moon thing all over again.**

**D- I told you I don't know if fizzy pop would stay fizzy on there. That's all I can tell you.**

**You do know, you just don't want me to know! You're the worst dad ever!**

**D- You know what, I think you might be an alien.**

**I knew it!**

"My dad says it's possible I could be an alien."

**A/N: hope you liked it! See you soon!**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: yo! So like, they got a little chatty in this chapter... just a little. **

EPOV

Did that really just happen? I was starting to wonder if being in Bella's head too long might do me some permanent damage. Her parent's apparently aren't that sane either. Do they really not know if she was an alien or do they have some strange sense of humour?

"You know I can hear you right?" she glared at me.

"Oh right, sorry." It was true, in light of the confusion I was feeling I had forgotten about that detail.

"Don't think you're all high and mighty because you've never wondered if you were an alien, if you ask me you're the crazy one. You've had this power your whole life I assume and you've never thought to question why? To me that makes me think you have no imagination and you know what, I feel sorry for you." huh?

She did have a point though, I mean we'd all thought about it, but never really thought to properly question it if that made sense. Like most theories were too crazy to be true so we dismissed them, when really they are just as likely to be true as anything else, after all we were a family with super powers.

"You say family, does that mean every single one of you has some power?" she questioned.

"Yeah, as you know I can read minds and Jasper has x ray vision. On top of that, Alice has premonitions, Rosalie is telekinetic and Emmett has super strength."

"What about Mommy and Daddy Cullen?"

"No, no powers for them, they just sort of collect us."

"Do any of you know your real parents?"

"No, Carlisle and Esme have always given us enough love we've never thought to look."

"Not even to know why? You guys are weird, if I had powers I'd definitely want answers." I rolled my eyes.

"You do have powers."

"Shit yeah," she paused, "and I want answers!"

"And I don't have any."

"Ugh, you guys suck."

"Sorry I'm not all knowing."

"Don't you want to know though? Like what if all this is for a reason? What if our fate is to save the world?"

"Maybe I do want to know, you make good points you know that Bella? Maybe fate has brought us together for a reason. Maybe it's time to think about they whys."

"It's because I'm awesome." She smiled, maybe we were finally making some headway in the whole become friends thing.

"Maybe." I smiled back.

I also realised through this conversation that we kind of sounded like losers. Fate? Saving the world? Yeah, maybe we were all nuts, what the hell would we save the world from? Republicans?

Bella snorted, "You said it."

**A/N: kind of paranoid i just made them far too wishy washy and deep in this chapter, hopefully when i'm back in Bella's mind i can make this wishy washy stuff more entertaining lol. She won't of come to terms with stuff this fast, she's just taking a break from her freak out i guess... i don't know though because as i said from the start, I'm going into this with zero planning, i have as much clue about this plot as you do! **


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